50:50

I was put on my first diet at the age of 3, staying in a hospital an hour from home where everything I ate was calorie-counted, so unsurprisingly I cannot remember a time when I didn't understand that I was too fat and that this was a bad thing to be. Since early childhood I have either been on a diet or cheating. Consequently I never eat just because I am hungry. Repeated restriction has given me a complex relationship with food: I eat to excess to celebrate, self-medicate or commiserate. Every emotion whether positive or negative is an excuse for a sweet treat or a takeaway. Then afterwards I feel disappointed with myself and decide to "be good" and eat better tomorrow. I have successfully lost weight with Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Slim Fast, Lighter Life, The Cambridge Diet, The F Plan Diet, Rosemary Conley, Atkins, Keto and Intermittent Fasting. I have joined gyms, counted steps, kept food diaries and filled in exercise logs and yet I am still very overweight. ...

  The idea behind this item on the list was to take me out of my comfort zone, by watching something that I would not have chosen myself. So thank you Julia for the suggestion and for coming with me! OLD, written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, is not the genre of movie that I would ordinarily watch. Honestly, my tastes tend towards romantic comedy or historical stories which require far less thought. What genre is it even? Thriller/ psychological drama/ horror? I have never watched any of Shyamalan's previous creations so I had no idea what to expect, however the PG 15 should have given me a clue and when I had to watch the trailers through my fingers I guessed I was in for a bumpy ride. To say I enjoyed it would be incorrect. I was impressed by the cinematography, it was simply stunning, and as the story unwound I found the writing very clever. There were only two brief moments when I wished I had brought a coat to hide under but it was definitely a disturbing film to watch. ...

It was our school sports day last Friday, and as I went through the day's itinerary with my tutor group, I mentioned the staff races. One of my lovely students piped up “Miss, are you going to race?” and I answered flippantly, as I often do, “Do I look like I run? If you ever see me running, you should run too, there’s probably something scary chasing me!” Humour is such a commonly used defence mechanism, and those of us  who are fat, physically unfit or disabled (and I fit into all three of those categories) often make light of things by telling a joke rather than make anyone feel uncomfortable. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, in fact many comedians have made a career out of it, but perhaps there are alternative responses. I am fabulously fat - and  before anyone tells me not to put myself down that's really not what I am doing. I am fat. I have always been fat despite decades of diets and exercise plans and at almost fifty years old I have finally le...